Benefits

“Working for God is never easy.”

“Then I don’t understand, sir.  The only reason I suggested that working for him must be easy is that you described his employees as loyal, motivated and energetic in spite of pitiful pay.”

“What I said is true; he does have faithful employees, but the work is difficult.”

“Confused again, sir.  If he is such a demanding manager, how does he recruit and retain such enthusiastic workers?”

“Benefits.”

“I’ve heard about the extraordinary life insurance policy he provides for all his people.  However, I know you agree that most people want some advantages while they are living on Earth, as I see all of those desirable benefits right here in your own contract:  competitive salaries, huge bonuses, opportunity for advancement, prestige, power, etc.  You cannot be matched in those areas, sir, if I may be so bold.”

“Thank you.  I appreciate your pointing out the strengths of my organization.  We have indeed worked tirelessly in order to recruit the best and brightest, and we have been very successful, I must say.  We have placed our candidates in the top positions available, even in the largest churches, synagogues and mosques all over the world.  As you know, politics attracts many to our organization, and politics in God’s arena has been a magnet for those we have been able to lure through increasingly clever thought manipulation.  I have my top advisors working on that constantly.”

“Again, you have been very successful.  You already have a large percentage of the population in your employ.  That brings me to the question plaguing me today.  Why do you want to enlist my services?  Aren’t you satisfied?”

“No.  I am driven, insatiable, and competitive.  I cannot let God and his organization exist alongside mine.  You need to understand that I want to utterly destroy them.  I want to put God out of business.  That’s why I called you here today.  I want to enlist your help.  I chose you because your credentials as a consultant impressed me.  I need your expertise in the area of employee morale.”

“I see.  Well, what have you observed among your own employees that compelled you to contact me?”

“Something is missing.  They are rich but not happy; they are busy but not content; they are fat yet they are empty.  I am afraid they will grow discontented and seek satisfaction elsewhere if I cannot offer them something substantial to fill the void that seems to be characteristic of every one of my employees.  I have given them every pleasure; I have provided for every craving.  I don’t know what else I can do.”

“You said that working for God is never easy.  What do you mean by that?”

“My purpose is to thwart his purposes, so I make life difficult for those working for him.  That’s how I know they don’t have an easy time of it.  Every time they do one of his tasks, I make it my business to strike them with some malady or hardship or financial setback.  I have my most talented creative minds on call for that.  It is frustrating for me to see his people smile and even sometimes thank him for something I have done!  They just continue to try to please him under the most trying circumstances, even death of loved ones or family problems or whatever I can throw at them.  Sometimes I can distract them for a little while, but they always get back on track.  It’s exasperating, I tell you.”

“What do you envision as my role, sir?”

“I need you to help me put together a set of benefits that will be more attractive than God’s.  I have managed to obtain a copy of the package he offers, and I want you to not only match it, but top it.”

“Okay, let me see what you have there.”

“Here it is.  I think he has it labeled ‘fruit’ or something like that.  He’s so obtuse.  I have fruit too.  Oh, here it is as a sub-heading:  ‘Fruit of the Spirit’ .  These are the bullet points:  ‘love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.’  I’m not familiar with any of these.  That’s why I called you.  I saw you go into a church that one Easter several years ago.  I thought perhaps you had heard of something better that I can offer.  What do you think?”

“Thanks to you, sir, working for God is never easy, as you say.  You have made it your business to ensure that.  However, given the nature of your organization, in my opinion it will be impossible to drive God completely out of business.  Those who work for him never have to wonder whether he values them, and that explains the unusually high morale.  These benefits are untouchable; apparently they are distributed out of God’s own pocket, and you, sir, do not even have these treasures listed as assets.  I’m sorry to say, sir, that I cannot help you.  However, my fee for today is $5,000.00 (preferably in cash).  Hope to see you soon, maybe next Sunday at the casino.  We’ll do lunch; I’ll buy.”

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About Jan Hamlett

Exploring faith outside the safety of Sunday
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2 Responses to Benefits

  1. Jan Golden says:

    This blog is getting more and more interesting everyday! I love the story….but I am unable to adequately comment because unlike you, my little literary friend, words don’t come easy for me. All I know is that I like it and you should write a series entitled “Benefits”!

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