Today’s Market

Today’s Market

“May I help you, ma’am?”

“Yes, please, I am looking for avocadoes.”

“Would you like Californian, Mexican, or Peruvian?”

“I want the Mexican ones. Aren’t they the ones with the rough, dark skin?”

“Shhh, they’ll hear you.”

“Who?”

“The avocadoes. We don’t describe them that way.”

“Why not?”

“They’re very sensitive.”

“I only said that to distinguish them from the Californians. Their skin is lighter and thinner, and I don’t like their flavor.”

“Ma’am, please, I am asking you nicely, just describe them according to their country of origin, not their appearance. A very rude man came in the other day asking about a Peruvian and actually said aloud that he preferred them because the farther south they grew, the darker and rougher they were! Can you imagine? I had to jump between him and the entire produce section! I am just now recovering from that trauma, and now this. I don’t know how much more I can take!”

“Okay, just tell me about the ones from Mexico. How were they transported?”

“In a truck, ma’am, but we don’t speak of that.”

“Of course. What was I thinking?”

“Here they are. I just want to remind you how fortunate we are to have these. If not for these delightful denizens of the country just to the south of us, we might not have enough to fill all the bins of all the markets in this country.”

“Are we still talking about avocadoes?”

“Of course, ma’am. Let’s select the best-looking … I mean … that is, the ones most suitable … oh wait, I mean ‘the best fit’ … yes, that’s right … the best fit for the job, and get you on your way.”

“Wait a minute. I’m not finished. Where’s the baby spinach?”

“Right here. It’s directly in front of you. We are now marketing it as ‘mini-spinach.’ I don’t think I have to explain which agency requested that change as a result of plummeting public perception.”

“Seriously? You people are nuts!”

“Ma’am! This is your last warning! I WILL have you ejected if you continue being disruptive. Your language borders on hate speech, and your intolerant attitude is completely incorrect for Today’s Market!”

“Okay, I apologize. I just need one more thing: southern pecans.”

“Sorry, but we don’t have them. The South no longer sends us their nuts, not that we care. We didn’t really want them here anyway, to be honest, especially the hard-shell ones. Now we are only importing Brazil nuts. Do you want some of those?”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“I HATE Brazil nuts!”

“SECURITY!”

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About Jan Hamlett

Exploring faith outside the safety of Sunday
This entry was posted in Cluckings and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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